I'm an African American woman with Asperger's syndrome who, loves art and has been drawing since age 12. I love manga & anime, psychological thrillers as well as comedy movies. That and "The Daily show with Jon Stewart." You must be 18 & up for here
Age 37, Female
Joined on 3/7/12
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Intrapath
There are some really cool parts here! The way the sequence in the fortress flowed reminded me of a level in a video game - even the monocle could be great for a mechanic. Plus, the reveal that Ashely wasn't a werewolf, but a *werecat* made me smile. It made sense in hindsight too, considering how often cats were mentioned.
The intro and the ending did throw me off, though. A lot of time was dedicated to characters at the festival who had no bearing on the rest of the story. The mention of the fight from the previous year felt like it was going to be a big, dramatic point, but it didn't end up going anywhere. The story also felt like it ended very suddenly and without much closure, too. Was this meant to be part of a bigger story and had to get trimmed down for either word count or the deadline?
RubystarSage
Honestly, this was meant to be part of a larger story. However I could only write between 600 and 3,200 words for this contest. The characters of the start of the story would have made other appearances down the line.
The fight from last year was supposed to be a noodle incident. (TV Tropes is where I got the term).
Believe me, if I was allowed to keep working on this story these characters would have come up and later chapters. Though, now that you mention it I think I will try to expand more on this, since it seems like like you and others actually have an interest in this story.
Thank you for your time and your thoughts.